Naruto Uzumaki and the Holy Grail!
by Ralneox
Summary: “You can change the world naruto. I thought I could force peace onto the world through pain but thanks to you I see things differently now. I believe that you could do much good for the other worlds so I’ll send you to the universe of Monty Python.”
1. Chapter 1

Ralneox here.

This story starts after naruto defeats nagato but instead of bringing people back to life he sends naruto to the Monty Python universe!

* * *

"I believe in you naruto uzumaki" nagato croaked.

He pulled his hands out of the machine that was supporting him and he did some hand signs.

"You can change the world naruto. I thought I could force peace onto the world through pain but thanks to you I see things differently now. I believe that you could do much good for the other worlds so I'll send you to the universe of Monty Python."

Naruto stared at nagato with confusion written all over his face.

"Eh?"

"Yes. The world of Monty Python will benefit greatly from your presence. In fact. I'll revive all of konoha and send them there as well. But since they might freak out about their dead comrades being dead one minute and alive the next I'll wipe all of their memories except for yours uzumaki. Fair well."

"EH?"

A sudden flash later and naruto was gone.

"Why did you send him and konoha to another universe?" konan asked nagato.

"Because that way they're out of the way of my plans. What? Did you think that I would create an evil organization, make them wear nail polish and send them after little boys before revealing that I'm into necrophilia and have seven bodies that are gods yet can get their arses kicked by a kid who was trained by a frog then say that I'm sorry and bring all the people I killed back to life and then die instead of pursuing my goal of world domination? Are you retarded? Fuck the idiots who would do that. I just sent all of my enemies to another universe so that there will be no resistance when I rule the world! Nothing will stop me now once I complete my set of evil cranky demonic furry friends and use their power! HAA HAHA HA HA!

Konan sweat dropped.

"But uzumaki had the nine tailed beast inside of him."

"HAA HAHA . . . HA . . . ha . . . haha . . . oh"

" . . . "

" . . . "

" . . . "

"SHIT!"

* * *

Naruto opened his eyes to find that he is surrounded by mist.

"Eh? Where am i?"

He started to walk through the mist when he noticed that every time he took a step he heard the sound of a horse gallop nearby.

He turned around expecting to see a horse but what he saw surprised him.

"Eh? What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that?" he said to sasuke who was dressed in rags and had a back pack on.

"I'm dressed like this because I'm your patsy you dope."

Naruto stared at sasuke who was acting weird.

"Ok? . . . Weirdo" he said as walked through the mist with sasuke while the horse galloping noise followed them.

"This is weird. If sasuke is here then maybe my other friends are as well? I should find my friends ask them what's going on" he thought.

He came across a castle wall.

He stared up at it as Izumo looked down at him.

"Who goes there?" he shouted down.

"It's me you idiot, naruto."

"King naruto" sasuke corrected.

"Whatever freak. Its me Izumo don't you remember me? I defeated gaara of the sand, trained under jiraiya sensei and defeated pein, the leader of the akatsuki."

Izumo looked down in surprise at naruto.

"Pull the other one."

Naruto was shocked that Izumo had forgotten him.

"I did . . . and this freak behind me is my old teammate sasuke. We have walked-"

"Ridden sir" sasuke interrupted again.

"Er . . . yeah . . . we have ridden through the mist of this place in search of my friends. I must speak with your commanding officer."

Izumo scrunched up his face in confusion.

"What? Ridden on a horse?"

"Yes" sasuke shouted before naruto could reply.

Izumo glared down on them.

"You're using coconuts!"

"What!" naruto shouted as he span around to see sasuke holding two coconuts and bang them together whenever he took a step.

Izumo continued.

"You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're banging them together."

Naruto got pissed.

"So? Who cares? I've come all this way to find out if my friends are-"

"Where did you get the coconuts?"

"We found them" sasuke shouted.

"Found them? In konoha? The coconut's tropical!" Izumo shouted.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, this is a temperate zone."

Naruto glared at sasuke and then up at Izumo and decided to play along with their insane game.

"The swallow may fly south with the sun. Yet it is not a stranger to these lands" he shouted.

Izumo looked at naruto with a surprised look on his face.

"Are suggesting that coconuts migrate?"

"Not at all. They could be carried."

"What? A swallow carrying a coconut?"

"It could grip it by the husk . . . " naruto replied unsure where this was going.

"It's not a question of where he grips it, it's a simple question of weight ratio. A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut."

"Well it doesn't matter!" naruto shouted starting to get angry.

"Will you go and tell your commanding officer that I, naruto is here."

" . . . "

"Listen" Izumo started.

"In order to maintain air speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second. Right?"

"Please!" naruto said in an irritated voice.

"Am I right?"

"I'm not interested in fricking swallows I want to know where my friends are!"

Kotetsu loomed into view over the wall two meters away from Izumo and added his two cents to the conversation.

"It could be carried by an suna swallow!" he said to Izumo.

Izumo turned to Kotetsu replying.

"Oh, yes! An suna swallow maybe . . . but not a konoha swallow, that's my point."

"Oh, yes, I agree with that . . . "

Naruto began to lose his patience.

"Will you ask your commanding officer if he knows where my friends are?"

Izumo ignored naruto and continued his conversation with Kotetsu.

"But then of course suna swallows are non-migratory,"

"Oh yeah"

Naruto gives up on getting any information from the two crazy chunnin and walked off to find someone else to help him find his friends as sasuke followed behind him banging the coconuts together.

Izumo and Kotetsu didn't realise naruto has left and continued their conversation.

"So they couldn't bring a coconut anyway."

"Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?"

"No, they'd have to have it on a line."

"Well simple . . . they just use a strand of creeper . . . "

"What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?"

"Why not?"

* * *

How was it?

Was it good?

There will be more later!

Ralneox out


	2. Chapter 2

Ralneox here

I must say i was suprised when i left my story for like 2 hours and came back to it having 3 reviews. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Enjoy the next installment!

* * *

A cart filled with corpses is pulled through a small decaying town by a couple of dirty emaciated wretches. Behind the cart walks another man wearing a bandana backwards on his head and chewing on a senbon. The man bangs on a bell before calling out and repeating the process.

**CLANG . . . !**

"Bring out your dead!"

**CLANG . . . !**

"Bring out your dead!"

**CLANG . . . !**

"Bring out your dead!"

**CLANG . . . !**

"Bring out your dead!"

A man with sleek silver hair and rose coloured eyes comes forth with an old man covered in stiches frown over his shoulder.

"Oi! Here's one genma ya shit head!" he calls out.

"Ok hidan, that'll be nine pence" the man following the cart says.

"I'm not dead!" says the old man whose covered in stitches.

"What?"

"Nothing fuck face, now here . . . " hidan says quickly while holding out nine pence.

"There's your nine fucking pence."

"Hidan, he says he's not dead."

"Fuck yeah he is."

"No I'm not you idiot!" the old man says as he tries to squirm free.

"He isn't" says genma.

"He will be soon. The shit face is very ill" says hidan.

"I'm getting better!" the old man cries.

"No, you're fucking not! You'll be stone dead in a moment kakuzu."

Genma shuffles from foot to foot unsure on what to do.

"I can't take him like that" he says.

"It's against regulations."

"I don't want to go on the cart" kakuzu cries.

Hidan looks at kakuzu.

"Oh don't be such a frickin baby. Act your age for once dumb ass."

"I can't take him" says genma.

"I feel fine" kakuzu cries.

"C'mon, do us a favour" hidan begs.

"I can't" genma says.

"Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes. He won't be fuckin long."

"I've got to go to the uchiha compound. They've lost nine today."

"When's your next round?"

"Thursday."

"I think I'll go for a walk" kakuzu says.

Hidan looks at kakuzu.

"You're not fooling anyone you know dumb ass."

He turns back to genma.

"Look, isn't there something you can do?" hidan says suggestively.

Kakuzu start kicking his legs and waving his arms while singing.

"I feel happy . . . I feel happy"

Genma looks at hidan for a moment.

Then they both do a quick furtive look up and down the street.

Genma very swiftly brings up a club and hits kakuzu on the head.

Hidan hands over the money at last and throws the now dead kakuzu on the cart.

"Fuck, thanks very much" he says.

"Not at all. See you on Thursday" he replies.

"Whatever."

They both turn to see naruto walk through the village at an uneven pace, swapping between fast steps and slow steps continuously as he laughed his head off as sasuke frowned and tried to match naruto's footsteps with the horse trotting imitation he was creating by banging two coconuts together.

"Who the fucks that then?" hidan asks genma.

Grudgingly genma replies.

"I dunno, must be a king."

"Why?"

"He hasn't got shit all over him."

* * *

Back in the original konoha . . .

"Nagato i have some disturbing news" konan says.

"Did kids use you for drawing paper again?" nagato replied.

"No, but all of the akatsuki's fallen members bodies have disappeared from their resting places."

"So? I don't care for them now that they've full filled their purpose."

"Hidan had the tv remote and deidara had the spare keys to the base, kakuzu had all the money and tobi was the only one who figured out how to connect your laptop to the internet.

" . . . "

" . . . "

"Crap!"

"No tv, no leaving the base, no money, no internet . . . looks like we're finally going to have that talk about our relationship."

"CRAP!"

* * *

Done!

Is it still good?

Please tell me!

Review or send me a messenger pigeon! (Or a suna swallow . . . but then again they're not migratory)

Ralneox out


	3. Chapter 3

Guess who's back . . . back again . . . I am back . . . tell a friend.

Any way, I got bored of playing fallout3 so i decided to do another chapter. Hope its as good as the others. Enjoy

* * *

Naruto and sasuke come 'riding' into view at the top of a grassy hill. They stop and scan their surroundings. They see a castle in the distance and before it a peasant pulling an empty cart towards it. Naruto and sasuke 'ride' up to and stop before the peasant.

"Oi! Old woman" naruto calls out.

The peasant keeps pulling the cart but turns his head to shout back.

"I'm a guy, hmm!" a blonde man with a dilated pupils shouted back.

"YOU! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HURT GAARA! I'M GONNA FIND MY FRIENDS AND THEN WE'RE GONNA COME BACK HERE AND KICK YOUR ASS!"

"Whatever" the man said as he pulled the empty cart.

"Why are you pulling-oh never mind. Who lives in that castle?"

"I'm nineteen, hmm"

"What?"

"I'm nineteen . . . I'm not old."

"Well I can't just call you man"

"Well you could try 'deidara', you insolent fool, hmm."

"I didn't know you were called deidara."

"You didn't bother to find out, did you?"

"Look you akatsuki freak, I'm sorry I said you were an old woman, but you really do look like a woman . . . "

"What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior . . "

"Well" naruto says as he looks at sasuke who nods his head.

"I . . . I am a king you know."

"Oh, king, eh. Very nice. And how did you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress . . . "

Another peasant appears crawling across the ground in the mud while calling out.

"Deidara senpai! There's some lovely clay down here . . . Oh! Deidara senpai made friends! How do you do? I'm tobi and I'm a good boy" says a young man with an orange swirl mask and black hair.

Naruto sees tobi and gasps.

"You're that guy who took sasuke from me!"

"I'm behind you, you dobe" sasuke grunted from behind naruto.

"No not you sasuke, another sasuke . . . or are you the same one?"

"Any way . . . what are doing down their . . . tobi was it? Why does everyone in this place look people I know but act like loonies? Arg! Oh screw it . . . " naruto says as he takes a deep breath to prepare himself for another game of 'Who's nuttier?'.

"How do you do, tobi . . . I am king naruto, container of the kyuubi . . . whose castle is that?"

"Container of the what?" tobi asks.

"The kyuubi."

"What's a cubey?"

"Not cubey, **kyuubi**!"

"What's a Koobi?"

"I told you it's not 'cubey' and it's not 'koobi'! Its **kyuubi**! K-Y-U-U-B-I! KYUUBI! It killed a lot of people! And I contain it . . . and I'm your king according to the coconut obsessed freak behind me"

"I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective . . . "

Deidara joins tobi in collecting clay and starts to put the clay in a sack he has.

"You're fooling yourself, hmm" he says.

"We're living in a dictatorship, a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes . . . "

"Oh, there you go deidara senpai, bringing class into it again . . . I hope you don't get explosive again."

"That's what it's all about, hmm . . . if only people would . . . "

"Oi! Akatsuki freaks! I'm in a rush. Just tell me who lives in that frickin castle over there" naruto yells and points at the castle after getting sick of waiting for a reply to his question.

Tobi looks over at the castle that naruto is pointing at.

"No one lives there" he replies.

"Then who's in charge?"

"No one is . . . but tobi is a good boy"

"What?"

"What, you don't believe tobi is a good boy? I'll prove it!"

"Shut up you illiterate fool!" deidara shouts at tobi.

Deidara turns back to naruto

"I told you, hmm" he says.

"We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune, we take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for a week, hmm."

"Mhm" naruto grunts disinterestedly as he inspects the crown that he just noticed that was sitting on top of his head instead of his forehead protector.

"But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting . . ."

"Yes, I see" naruto says with a tone of annoyance.

" . . . by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs, hmm . . ."

"Shut up" naruto barks.

" . . . but a two-thirds majority in the case of a more majority . . . "

"Shut up! I order you to shut up."

Tobi giggles.

"You gave deidara senpai a order, eh? Who do you think you are? . . . I'm a good boy."

"According to the cosplaying sasuke I am your king!"

"Well, tobi didn't vote for you."

"You don't vote for kings."

"Well, how did you become king, then?"

"Well I . . . I . . . I uh . . . " naruto stuttered as he looked frantically to sasuke who muttered something about kings being dunces.

Sasuke then pulled out some cue cards from his backpack and began to write on them. He then walked behind deidara and tobi and held the cue cards up for naruto to read.

Naruto beamed as he read out to deidara and tobi.

"The sannin of the toad, his face bearing the most perverted grin, held aloft Make out High School Sensations from underneath a stripper, signifying by divine providence and to much liquor that I, naruto, was to carry the limited edition 'romance' novel . . . that is why I am your king."

Deidara scoffed.

"Listen, strange old men lazing about in strip clubs distributing porn is no basis for a system of government, hmm. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some erotic horny lap dance."

"Shut up already! If you haven't figured it out yet. I! Don't! Care!"

"You can't expect to wield executive power just because some wasted dirty old man threw a book at you, hmm!"

"Oh my god! SHUT UP!"

"I mean, if I went around saying I was the tsuchikage just because some aroused git had lobbed a brochure at me, they'd put me away, hmm!"

Naruto has had enough and decides to beat up deidara now.

"SHUT UP!" he shouts as he punches deidara in the stomach.

"WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP?"

"Ah! Now we see the violence inherent in the system, hmm."

"SHUT UP!"

"Ooh . . . come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help, help, I'm being repressed!"

"Bloody akatsuki freak!" naruto shouts as he storms off.

"Oh, what a give-away. Did you see that tobi, eh? That's what I'm talking. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you, hmm?"

* * *

Back at the akatsuki base . . .

" . . . and thats why i think we should paint the den" konan said.

"kill . . . kill me" nagato coughed.

"Now . . . this is the colour scheme i think would work well in the baby's room."

"OH GOD! SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL ME!"

* * *

So . . . what did you think?

Still good?

See that button there? Press it. Press it and review. Tell me your opinions. Please?

Reviewing keeps the outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society in check!

. . . I honestly don't fully understand what that means.

Any way, tell me what parts you want the naruto characters to play via review or pm . . . . though i have received a rabbit and a duck.

Ralneox out


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